A job well done!

A Chinese guy is recruited by a construction foreman who puts him in charge of supplies. When he comes back in the evening to check on the status of the day's supplies, he finds everything in royal mess.
Furious, he calls Chang only to find that he is nowhere to be found. A frantic search ensues, and while they are hunting in the storeroom, Chang jumps out of a closet screaming "SUPPLISE"...

Courtesy: Neil Goswami

Racy joke

How do you start a 100-metre dash for onions?
A: Onion marks, get set, go!

Item bomb Mumait Khan opened a fast-food joint specialising in seekh kababs. It is doing amazing business. Why?
A: Whoever goes to buy kababs there is greeted with the lines, "Aankhon main aankhen daal, seekh le!"

Courtesy: Tridib

Life is full of s*** (shit)

What do you say before throwing feline excrement at somebody?
A: Catch it!

Did you know that diarrhoea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Battery change

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

Courtesy: Ghetufool

You are grounded!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.

What do you call a cow that has sex with other cows of the same sex?
A: Ho-moo-sexual.

Why shouldn't you gamble in the jungle?
A:There are a lot of cheetahs.

Courtesy: Smilin Assassin

Dress code in jail

Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its inmates. Why this odd combination ?
A: Salman Khan is coming.

Courtesy: Dinesh Nair

Bottles and passwords

Why did the moron go to sleep with a bottle of water in his right hand and an empty bottle in his left hand?
A: Cause on the one hand he may feel thirsty in his sleep, while on the other hand he may not.

Joe was drawing money from an ATM. Jack, who was behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****).

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

The case of the missing job

Three men applied for a detective's job. An Indian, a Jew and an Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man replied, "The Romans did."
When the Italian man arrived, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."
Finally the Indian arrived, and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time before saying,"Could I have some time?"
The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Indian went home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder."

Courtesy: Smilin Assassin

A preeti one

What do you call a guy who keeps collecting memorabilia of Preeti Zinta, Kajol and other bollywood actresses?
A: Heroine addict

Hassle-free fun!

David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."
His agent replies "Sure! No hassle."

Calculus and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive.

"Did you hear about that new movie, Constipated?"
"No..."
"Oh, it didn't come out yet."

What do you call a chicken in the North Pole?
Lost.

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

Formulas and facts

If h20 is inside a fire hydrant.. what's on the outside?
A: k9p.

What's the best time to go to the dentist?
A: At TOOTHHURTY.

What did the teacher say to the student who peed himself?
A: URINE TROUBLE!!!

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

Who came first!!!

So this Egg and this Chicken are going at it pretty fast and furious in bed and suddenly the chicken groans, rolls over and lights up a ciggy, looking very content.
The egg rolls to the other side and says "Well, that answers that question".

Once three turtles decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally an year, the two turtles said "oh, come on, lets eat the snacks". Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "if you do like this, I won't go!"

Courtesy: Bebe

Duck for the chicken

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the"Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the potrises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down."Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Kings and cheetah

What do you call King Ashoka's harem?
A: Ashok Leyland

What did Tarzan say when he saw a dead Cheetah?
A: Ailaa! Nayi chaddi

Courtesy: Anil D'silva