Weighted ones

A husband got in big trouble after his wedding anniversary. His wife told him the day before: "Tomorrow there better be something for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat." The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

I lost twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I was in England at the time.

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

Courtesy: Akshay Lodaya