Pj's

Crazy driving

2007-05-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

What is the latest bollywood movie "tara rum pum pum" like a public service message?
A: Cause it is all about Safe (Saif) Driving.

Courtesy: Feroze Ahmed Jamal

Cricket trivia

2007-02-18T00:46:00.000-08:00

Which Indian cricketer was a captain on debut, scored a century in that match, and hit a last ball six to win the match against England?
A: Aamir Khan (Lagaan)

Courtesy: Renu Pariyadath

Walking tall

2007-01-24T06:13:00.000-08:00

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roamin' catholic.

Courtesy: Shaun

Vector forms

2006-08-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

What is the vector form of Sridevi?
A: Tabu (Cause Sridevi did Chandni and Tabu did Chandni Bar)

Courtesy: Aditya Phatak

Learn your alphabet

2006-08-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

This is the perfect ABCD Lessons …
A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple....

Courtesy: Sudipto Ganguly

Jumping jacks!

2006-08-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

What do you call 20 rabbits jumping backwards?
A: A receding hareline.

Courtesy: Chicane

No bloody sleep!

2006-08-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

Why couldn't Dracula's girlfriend sleep all night?
A: Because of his coffin.

Fine driving

2006-08-20T01:32:00.000-07:00

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

Courtesy: Chicane

To serve or not to serve

2006-08-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says “You'll need to leave...we don't serve mushrooms here.”
The mushroom replies “Why not? I'm a fun guy!”.

Courtesy: T. Krishna

Cost cuts

2006-08-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

Due to Government cutbacks.... The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

Courtesy: Chicane

For the kids

2006-08-20T01:08:00.000-07:00

How do you make Pikachu enter the bus?
A: Poke him on

Courtesy: Stupid boy

Nepotism is everywhere

2006-08-18T00:41:00.000-07:00

Why just blame Sonia Gandhi, everybody promotes family these days. Even Bill Gates. He's promoting his son big time these days. How else would you explain the fact that lots of Microsoft products have a Beta Version!

Courtesy: Sriram Srinivasan

One, two, trees

2006-08-10T01:36:00.000-07:00

What do you call a rope that is tied to two peepal trees?
A: Nokia (Connecting peepal)

Courtesy: Abhinay Dey

A time to pray

2006-07-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

Why did the devotee not find god in the temple?
A: Because he came at an ungodly hour.

Courtesy: Gaurav Panchal

Something fishy

2006-07-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a fish shop with a fish under one arm and asks "Do you sell fish cakes?"
"Yes" replies the proprietor.
"Thank goodness for that" replies the man "it's his birthday!"

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner.

What sort of fish is the most musical of all the sea?
A: Tuner fish!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Fat science

2006-06-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

What do you call the science of studying fat bodies?
A: Motaphysics!

Courtesy: Scout

Tomato race

2006-06-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

What did the Gujju say to the tomato running last in a race?
A: "Tomato Ket-chup!!" ("Catch Up")

Courtesy: Niveditha Ravi

Out of this world

2006-06-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

What should you do if you see a spaceman?
A: Park in it man!

What happens to illegally parked amphibious vehicles?
A: They get toad away.

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Please bear with this

2006-06-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best: The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above.
The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength---none in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion and stinker!

Courtesy: T. Krishna

Double impact

2006-06-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

Teacher to Sardar: Make a sentence in which one word is repeated twice.
Sardar : If Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara, she will become Lara Lara. Bolo Tararara!!

Courtesy: Aditya Phatak

Old man's tale

2006-06-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

An old man walked barefoot everywhere, to the point
that his feet became quite thick and hard.
He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he on a hunger
strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.
Furthermore, due to his diet of raw grains, he ended up with very
bad breath.
Therefore: he came to be known as a: "Super calloused fragile
mystic plagued with halitosis."

A tale of two prawns

2006-06-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

Once there were two prawns named Johnny and Christian. Johnny isn't quite happy. So he goes to see Cod and says, "Please can you turn me into a great big shark!" Cod waves his magic fin, and Johnny becomes a great big shark. Johnny starts eating the other prawns one by one, until one day, only Christian is left.
Johnny suddenly realises he does not want to be a shark anymore. So he asks Cod to make him a prawn again.
"Hmm," replies Cod. "I guess you've seen the error of your ways. I'll turn you back." And he waves his magic fin, and Johnny the prawn replaces Johnny the shark. Off he goes to find Christian.
"Christian, Christian, come out and play with me!" he calls.
"No, no, no, no!" Christian squeaks. "You're a great big shark and you wanna eat me!"
"No, it's OK!" Johnny calls back. "I've spoken to Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

Brrr!!!!

2006-06-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

First eskimo: Where's your mother from?
Second eskimo: Alaska
First eskimo: Don't bother I will ask her myself

Gujju abroad!

2006-06-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Why did the gujju go to London??
A: To see Big "Ben"

Courtesy: Niveditha Ravi

Save your soul

2006-06-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.

Courtesy: Roshan .K

Humour in uniform

2006-06-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

Q: What's a policeman's favourite stew?
Irish Stew in the name of the law. (I-arrest-you ).

Q: Did you hear what the 0 said to the 8?
A: Why do you have your belt so tight?

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Egyptian psychology

2006-06-06T10:06:00.001-07:00

Why do people not believe it when they fall in rivers in Egypt?
A: Because they are in denial!

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: Doyouthinkhesaurus.

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Egyptian pschology

2006-06-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

Why do people not believe it when they fall in rivers in Egypt?
A: Because they are in denial!

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: Doyouthinkhesaurus.

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

For my Tamil brothers

2006-05-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

What did actor Vikram's teacher in school say when he spelt Poland as P-A-L-A-N-D?
A: "O" Podu

Courtesy: Bebe

On films and directors

2006-05-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

Why did the director show his film to only eight people?
A: Because he made an "art" movie. Jinko sirf aat log theatre mein baitke dekhtey hein.

Courtesy: Deepak Kannan

Business sense

2006-05-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Why did the donut shop close?
A: The owner was tired of the hole business.

Admission woes

2006-05-15T04:06:00.000-07:00

Tortoise and rabbit gave the Common Entrance Test. Tortoise got 80 percent and rabbit got 81 percent. Both wanted admission in a good engineering college, and the cut off was 85 percent. But only the Tortoise got admission. Why?
A: Remember Tortoise had won the race. So, sports quota.

Courtesy: Ganesh

A time to name

2006-05-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

Marcus Brutus - "Julius Caesar, why is it that you were named after your grandfather?"
Julius Caesar - "Well, because he was born before me of course."

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

A job well done!

2006-04-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

A Chinese guy is recruited by a construction foreman who puts him in charge of supplies. When he comes back in the evening to check on the status of the day's supplies, he finds everything in royal mess.
Furious, he calls Chang only to find that he is nowhere to be found. A frantic search ensues, and while they are hunting in the storeroom, Chang jumps out of a closet screaming "SUPPLISE"...

Courtesy: Neil Goswami

Racy joke

2006-04-19T00:42:00.000-07:00

How do you start a 100-metre dash for onions?
A: Onion marks, get set, go!

Item bomb Mumait Khan opened a fast-food joint specialising in seekh kababs. It is doing amazing business. Why?
A: Whoever goes to buy kababs there is greeted with the lines, "Aankhon main aankhen daal, seekh le!"

Courtesy: Tridib

Life is full of s*** (shit)

2006-04-19T00:38:00.000-07:00

What do you say before throwing feline excrement at somebody?
A: Catch it!

Did you know that diarrhoea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Battery change

2006-04-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

Courtesy: Ghetufool

You are grounded!

2006-04-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.

What do you call a cow that has sex with other cows of the same sex?
A: Ho-moo-sexual.

Why shouldn't you gamble in the jungle?
A:There are a lot of cheetahs.

Courtesy: Smilin Assassin

Dress code in jail

2006-04-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its inmates. Why this odd combination ?
A: Salman Khan is coming.

Courtesy: Dinesh Nair

Bottles and passwords

2006-04-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

Why did the moron go to sleep with a bottle of water in his right hand and an empty bottle in his left hand?
A: Cause on the one hand he may feel thirsty in his sleep, while on the other hand he may not.

Joe was drawing money from an ATM. Jack, who was behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****).

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

The case of the missing job

2006-04-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

Three men applied for a detective's job. An Indian, a Jew and an Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man replied, "The Romans did."
When the Italian man arrived, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."
Finally the Indian arrived, and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time before saying,"Could I have some time?"
The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Indian went home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder."

Courtesy: Smilin Assassin

A preeti one

2006-04-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

What do you call a guy who keeps collecting memorabilia of Preeti Zinta, Kajol and other bollywood actresses?
A: Heroine addict

Hassle-free fun!

2006-04-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."
His agent replies "Sure! No hassle."

Calculus and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive.

"Did you hear about that new movie, Constipated?"
"No..."
"Oh, it didn't come out yet."

What do you call a chicken in the North Pole?
Lost.

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

Formulas and facts

2006-04-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

If h20 is inside a fire hydrant.. what's on the outside?
A: k9p.

What's the best time to go to the dentist?
A: At TOOTHHURTY.

What did the teacher say to the student who peed himself?
A: URINE TROUBLE!!!

Courtesy: Stupid-boy

Who came first!!!

2006-04-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

So this Egg and this Chicken are going at it pretty fast and furious in bed and suddenly the chicken groans, rolls over and lights up a ciggy, looking very content.
The egg rolls to the other side and says "Well, that answers that question".

Once three turtles decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally an year, the two turtles said "oh, come on, lets eat the snacks". Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "if you do like this, I won't go!"

Courtesy: Bebe

Duck for the chicken

2006-04-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the"Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the potrises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down."Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Kings and cheetah

2006-04-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

What do you call King Ashoka's harem?
A: Ashok Leyland

What did Tarzan say when he saw a dead Cheetah?
A: Ailaa! Nayi chaddi

Courtesy: Anil D'silva

Joke ahoy!

2006-03-17T02:20:00.000-08:00

Why are pirates the best?
A: Because they just Arrrr!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Why the name: Rang De Basanti

2006-03-16T06:46:00.000-08:00

Actually, reporters asked this question to Aamir in a press conference. What he told was pretty interesting. In the crew of the film unit, there was a person called GNAR (Russian Artist). He was a giant of 8'2" in height and 130 kilos of weight. He was the person, who lifted and threw Aamir, in the title song.
The producer of the movie was asked by some pundit to name his film after 11 days of shooting is completed. On 11th day, the crew had a heated discussion on what should be the name. At that time Gnar was not feeling well and was sleeping in his tent. It was suggested that the crew will visit Gnar and whatever be the first word(s) spoken to him be the name of movie.
The crew walked towards GNAR's tent and opened the veil. They saw Gnar twirling and trying to sleep on a 4 feet long bed. Everyone was shocked and in unison shouted "ITNA SA BED GNAR." They had to keep this name of the movie..
But the producer and Director were very upset over the kind of name finalized. They lost all enthusiasm. Then came the advice from the great GNAR. He Said, "Why don't you reverse the title text....

Courtesy: Ankur Relia

Acronym test

2006-03-15T04:29:00.000-08:00

What does DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

Courtesy: Stupid boy

Frosbites and boomerangs

2006-03-15T03:49:00.000-08:00

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. a bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

Courtesy: Smilin Assassin

Paint my house

2006-03-15T02:52:00.000-08:00

Once a blonde was short of cash. She went to a few houses in her neighbourhood looking for a job. In one house, a man told her he was looking for someone to paint his porch, and aked her if she wanted to do it. The blonde accepted the job and asked $50 for it. This was a lot less than what the man had expected to pay for the job. So the deal was struck.
The man went inside his house and told his wife that a blonde had accepted to paint their porch for just $50. After sometime the blonde entered the house and told him that she had finished her work and collected her wages. Just before she left she told the guy, "By the way that was not a porch, that was a lexus."

Lights on

2006-03-15T02:50:00.000-08:00

There was a man, Bhagwan K Das in whose house lights never went out, even when power to the entire locality was cut . Why?
A: Coz' Bhagwan K ghar mein der hain Andher nahin.

Courtesy: Anup R

koff koff!

2006-03-15T02:47:00.000-08:00

Girl: That was your girlfriend coughing!
Geoff: Umm. Yes.
Girl: But you told me she was dead!!
Geoff: I overreacted.

Courtesy: Nupur Sen

Sounds of silence

2006-03-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls . These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

Courtesy: Ghetufool

Confessions of a Gujarati

2006-03-10T11:40:00.000-08:00

What do you call the diary of a homosexual Gujarati?
A: Memoirs of A Gay Shah

What do you call a Mangalorean arsonist?
A: A Pairomaniac

What do you call a Mangalorean who’s a pain in the ass?
A: Paiiles

What do you call a Mangalorean mathematician?
A: Paithagorus

Courtesy: Vijay Ramachandran

The height of Pjs

2006-03-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

At a meeting of animals in a jungle, everyone was given a free gutkha packet. Only the giraffe insisted on being given Manickchand. Why?
A: Because Manickchand: Unchey log, unchey pasand.

Courtesy: Pompous ass

Hare raising experience

2006-03-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

A man speeding on his Ferrari runs over a hare killing it. Being an animal lover, he tries to bring back the hare to life. He frantically searches the dicky of his car and finds a spray-can there. He sprays the dead animal with it and, miracles of miracles, the hare springs back to life.
It runs along the road, looks back and waves at the man. Then it runs a little again, looks back, and waves at him.
Confused, the man looks at the can. It was written on it: 'Hair spray. Brings life to dead hair. Increases waviness.'

Courtesy: Stupid boy

Mangos and apples

2006-03-08T09:10:00.000-08:00

Once a donkey climbed a tree. There was a elephant already sitting on the tree.
Elephant: Why did you climb the tree.
Donkey: To eat apples.
Elephant: But this is a mango tree.
Donkey: I know. That's why I have brought the apples with me.

Courtesy: Smilin Assassin

A letter from no where

2006-03-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

Santa: I got an anonymous letter.
Banta: From whom?

Courtesy: Scout

Ears some jokes again

2006-03-08T09:04:00.000-08:00

How many ears does Spock have?
A: Four, his left ear, his right ear, his engine ear and his final front ear!

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink. The barman points to a sign behind the bar and says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string, didn't you see the sign?" The piece of string replies"I'm afraid knot."

A crab goes into a restaurant and asks for a baked potato with beans and cheese. The waiter replies, "Sorry sir, we don't serve seafood."

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Sorry for the break!

2006-03-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

I apologise to the millions of people who visit this blog for the break in posting new jokes. I was on vacation. I assure you the jokes will henceforth be regular.

Books n shapes

2006-02-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

A geometry teacher is having difficulty starting his car. A passing statistics teacher suggests his battery might be flat. The geometry teacher replies "What shape is it supposed to be?"

A capacitor was arrested after beating somebody up. He was charged with battery.

Some books I have read recently:
Murder Mysteries by Hugh Dunnit
Falling off Cliffs by Ilene Dover
Three Strokes of the Cane by her brother, Ben Dover

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Guess the name

2006-02-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

Ramu attends a lecture. After that he goes to the canteen and orders a pav. as he begins to eat the pav he realises that the word jannat is written on the plate under the pav. Now tell what's the name of the proffessor whose lecture Ramu attended?
A: Ishq Ki Chhaon. Because Jinke "Sir" ho Ishq ki Chhaon Pav ke neeche Jannat hogi....

Courtesy: Smilin assassin

Hope unlimited

2006-02-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

What's the height of hope?
A: A 99 year old woman going in for the Hutch ka naya lifetime scheme.

Courtesy: Nupur Sen

Cricket fever!

2006-02-22T09:59:00.000-08:00

How would people have referred to ex-Indian cricket captain Azharuddin had his complexion been a couple of shades darker?
A: Kala Azhar.

Courtesy: Tridib

Gangsta's paradise

2006-02-22T09:54:00.000-08:00

What did the underworld don's son say to his dad after he sat for an exam?
A: They questioned me for three hours dad, but I didn't tell them a thing.

Courtesy: BP Jaseel

In a line

2006-02-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

Courtesy: Dull Men's Club

New models

2006-02-21T09:48:00.000-08:00

One day Raghu went to shop for a mobile phone. He checked out many models in a shop and saw one he thought was very different from the rest. Tha phone kept shouting "Hello! Nice to meet you."
Raghu asked the shopkeeper why it was doing so. The shop-keeper replied, "Oh that phone! That's cause it's user-friendly!"

Bollywood fever

2006-02-21T09:38:00.000-08:00

Bollywood made a film on man-eating tigers and called it 'Kaal'. Guess what they are calling their potential blockbuster on flu-causing chicken?
A. Cull! (Which also explains why they are calling the film's main villain a dangerous chick.)

Courtesy: Tridib

Faster than your eyes

2006-02-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

Why is milk the fastest thing known to mankind?
A: Because it's past-your-eyes before you even see it!

What hospital ward are cigarettes put in?
A: The menthol ward!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Missing alphabets

2006-02-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

What letter of the alphabet is missing from oasis?
There is Noe'l' in Oasis!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Rain or shine!

2006-02-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night,when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife."No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said.
Just then they saw a communist party official walking toward them."Let's not fight about it," the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing".
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course," he replied, and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
To which the man quietly replied:"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."

Courtesy: Newsnight

Lost and found

2006-02-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I think I've lost an electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first says, “Yes, I'm positive.”

Courtesy: Stupidboy

Please bear with this

2006-02-16T15:03:00.000-08:00

A bear walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What can I get you?"
The bear replies, "I'll have a gin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and tonic."
The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "I was born with them."

What do John The Baptist and Kermit The Frog have in common?
A: Same middle name.

Courtesy: Dull Men's Club

Future plan(t)s

2006-02-16T14:12:00.000-08:00

Once a corn plant, a tomato plant and a potato plant started businesses separately. Whose business do you think did the best?
A: Not sure but definitely Corn banega crorepati.

Cross chickens

2006-02-15T16:06:00.000-08:00

What is a chicken crossing the road called?
A: Poultry in motion.

Dad: Do you know what to do if, when you are driving by an airport, and you see a "low flying aircraft" sign?
Son: Let some air out of the tires.

Two brooms were hanging together in a closet. After a while they got to know each other so well they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The wedding was lovely.
At the wedding dinner following the wedding the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom."
"Impossible," said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together."

Courtesy: Dull Men's Club

Chicken or egg

2006-02-15T15:43:00.000-08:00

First man: What came first - the chicken or the egg?
Second man: Depends on which you order first.

Son (while filling up a form): Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Father: Very long!

Courtesy: Anjali Shukla

Lions Club

2006-02-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

Courtesy: Stupidboy

Golfing truths

2006-02-15T10:49:00.000-08:00

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.

A guy was sitting in a nearly empty bar having some beers. He finished one and asked the bartender for another. He gave the guy another beer, along with a free bowl of peanuts. As he sat enjoying the nuts and beer, he heard a voice: "Whoa, man, do you look great today!"
He looked around, but there was no one there.
"Nice shoes. And I just love that sweater, it looks so good on you!"
Bartender, did you hear that? I keep hearing voices saying how good I look and stuff, but there's no one around. What's going on here??
"It's the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

Courtesy: M. Doyle

Simple mathematics

2006-02-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

Three old men go for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"?
"274" was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday" replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"?
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Courtesy: Stupidboy

Pain relief

2006-02-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Courtesy: Smilin assassin

A balanced diet

2006-02-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

A man went to see his doctor with severe constipation. "What do you normally eat?" the doctor asked him. "Snooker balls," the man replied. "Snooker balls?" the doctor asked in surprise. "Yes, snooker balls," the man replied. "For breakfast, I have the black and the blue. At lunch, I eat the reds and the pink and for supper I have the brown and the yellow." "Ah, I think I know your problem," the doctor said. "You're not eating enough greens."

Courtesy: Hari Krishnan

Great men are alike!

2006-02-13T10:37:00.000-08:00

What is the similarity between Lord Krishna, Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi?
A: They were all born on public holidays

Courtesy: Devidutta Tripathy

Let's face the music

2006-02-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

A man spent his life looking for the grave of Mozart. When he finally had done his homework and pinpointed the location, he set out to dig up the grave to see if there were any scores that he may have taken with him, making the man famous.
When he finally arrived at the spot and started digging, he noticed a faint light growing brighter the further down he dug. When he finally broke through the soil to where Mozart's grave was, he was shocked to find the musician erasing pages and pages of music.
After a short time the man got up the courage to ask what Mozart was doing to which Mozart replied, "I'm decomposing."

Courtesy: Smilin assassin

Better watch out

2006-02-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Courtesy: Stupidboy

Let the dust settle down

2006-02-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

A Jamacian bin man can't find a bin so he asks the guy "Where's your bin?"
The guy replied "I've just been on holiday to the Italian Riviera."
Bin man: "No, where's your dust bin?"
Guy: "I've just been on holiday to the Italian Riviera."
BM: "No! where's your wheely bin?"
Guy: "Really, I've been on holiday to the Italian Riviera!"

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

Kissing truths

2006-02-13T10:11:00.000-08:00

Never kiss a lawyer 'cause she may object
Never kiss a nurse 'cause she would say next
Always kiss a teacher 'cause she will say repeat it 5 times and do it tomorrow.

Courtesy: Ganesh Nagarajan

Serious problem

2006-02-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

My heart problem has reached such a critical stage that my doctor says there are only two options left....
I.C.U. or ...... U C me.

Courtesy: Nupur Sen

Nose-talgia

2006-02-10T03:07:00.000-08:00

What would you find inside a very clean nose?
A: Lots of fingerprints.

Courtesy: Anil D'silva

Criss cross

2006-02-10T03:04:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you cross Jack the Ripper with Kellogg's cornflakes?
A: A cereal killer!

Courtesy: Scout

Secret of success

2006-02-10T02:59:00.000-08:00

Why is the person who makes fake bank notes successful in life?
A: Because he forges ahead.

What did the Spanish fireman call his twin boys?
A: José and Hose-B!

What's black and white and red all over?
A: A newspaper!

How do you make a Swiss roll?
A: Push him down a mountain!

What's black-white-black-white-black-white-black-white?
A: A nun (or a penguin) rolling down a hill!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy

This one takes the cake

2006-02-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Courtesy: Stupidboy

Twin brothers!

2006-02-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

Courtesy: Alliance talk

Let's have some pun

2006-02-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

There was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms. "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG! "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower.
A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?" Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

Courtesy: Butler

Experiments with truth

2006-02-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

I was doing some experiments in the laboratory the other day.
I dipped a gazelle in some Nitric acid - it melted but nothing too exciting happened.
I sprinkled shrimps into Sulphur - they got burnt slightly, but it wasn't that spectacular.
I then dropped a Panda into some Ammonia - suddenly, there was pandemonium everywhere!

One day George Bush's had completely dissolved and he had flopped onto the floor, a quivering jelly-like mass."Mr. President!" exclaimed the PA. "What happened?"The President tried to reply but just wobbled in response.
"Shall we call Dick Cheney?" asked the Press Secretary.
"No," said the PA. "His heart is weak enough as it is."
"So, what can we do?"
"Well, I have a radical idea. We could make a George Bush-shaped mold and pour him into it and then leave him in the fridge for an hour or so."
"I don't think that is wise."
"Why not?"
"It could set a President."

Courtesy: Thinctanc

Woo one, woo all

2006-02-09T06:31:00.000-08:00

Why is it easier to woo Andhra girls?
A: Cause most of them are reddy.

Learn grammar the easy way

2006-02-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

Teacher: Define pronoun.
Student: A noun that has lost its amateur status.

Courtesy: Tuhin Subhra Kar

It's a mad mad world

2006-02-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: He looks through a catalog in the plastic surgeon's office.

Why did the furniture salesman take six backless chairs to the doctor'soffice?
A: Because the doctor wanted to get a stool sample.

Courtesy: Smilin assasin

Air today, gone tomorrow

2006-02-08T05:59:00.000-08:00

Daddy balloon tells baby balloon that he is too old to sleep in his parents bed any more and from tonight he must sleep alone in the nursery.
Baby balloon is very upset but tries to sleep alone in the nursery that night. By midnight it has become too much and he sneaks into his parents room.
He tries to snuggle in between his parents but they are too close together.He can't get between his parents and is very upset, but suddenly he has a brainwave and he lets a little air out of his father, not enough, so he lets a little air out of his mother .... still not enough so he lets a little air out of himself and all's well as he falls asleep between his parents.
In the morning his father is furious and tells him off "I'm very annoyed about your behaviour last night" says daddy balloon, "you've let me down, you've let your mother down but worst of all you've let yourself down!"

What's the diference between a tire and 365 cheese cakes?
A: Ones a goodyear, the other's a great year!

Courtesy: Blue-eyed boy